I've had an absolutely incredible time in the last month and a half and with the start of my final school year looming I thought I'd resume more regular posts on the blog!
My last post was filled with excitement and a little apprehension before embarking on my trip across Europe and I'm really glad to say that it was everything that I hoped it would be. I was nervous beforehand about suffering fatigue due to the constant travelling and thus potentially holding up my friends, but in the end, I had nothing to worry about at all. We travelled from Paris-Amsterdam-Berlin-Prague-Budapest-Venice-Lake Como-Bidart (South France) and it was all crammed into just a few weeks! Each of us had favourite places and favourite moments on the trip, mine being Amsterdam and Prague, but we could all agree that we had shared an incredible experience together. While the trip was fantastic, I had to take a blood test while in Germany and although the process took 6 hours (mainly due to the fact that we had failed to call ahead to let the hospital know I was coming!) it went as smoothly as I could have hoped and really put my mind at ease when the doctors confirmed that the trip had in no way affected my blood counts, meaning that I could just enjoy the rest of my holiday without worry. I was lucky enough to go with a really great group of guys which meant that when I wasn't feeling at my best, we'd all take a 5 minute break or grab some drinks, making the whole experience more relaxed and putting me at ease. Next weeks blog will include a little bit more information about the medical logistics.
I returned home the evening before results day and that night found myself really struggling to put into context the importance of the following days marks. While part of me was desperate to do well, to keep all doors open and give myself the best opportunities for later in life, I also had thoughts that maybe results weren't as important as society would have you believe. Results don't define who a person is, or indeed give a definitive answer about how happy a person will be later in life. After stressing for weeks on end, I realised that while undoubtedly A level results are important and will have some bearing on the outcome of my life, they are by no means the be all and end all and there are far more important things, like being healthy and happy. I feel very obnoxious writing all that and trust me, I was shaking as much as anybody else when opening my envelope on the 14th of August, it's just that I think sometimes it's important, although not always easy to remember, to take a step back and put everything into some sort context.
As it turned out, I was really pleased with the results I achieved and hopefully they have set me up well for my last year at 6th Form.
Thursday, 28 August 2014
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Europe
"Lucky" isn't a word I always associate with myself, but today I feel really privileged to be starting my three week InterRailing holiday, travelling across Europe. In all honesty, I'm not sure how I've managed to persuade my doctors (let alone my parents) that I'm sensible enough to roam the continent with my four best friends, but the build up for the trip, let alone the experience I'm about to have, has given me so much happiness and so much to look forward to.
However, safe to say, I'm not completely free from the influence of my hospital. In Berlin I have to take a few blood tests and obviously I'm still taking Chemotherapy every day, but after over a year and a half, that's par for the course, although I'm not admitting that at any point have I ever found it a barrel of laughs!
Anyway, this is a farewell for a little while on here, I'll be posting pictures and updates at various points of the trip (whenever I can get some free WiFi) and if you want to check out how it's all going, follow me on @Will_smith09
I hope everyone has a brilliant summer, I get back into England the night before Results Day, so best of luck to everyone, I sincerely hope you all achieve whatever you want!
Tuesday, 1 July 2014
Thank You
I'd like to start by apologising for not writing for a few weeks however, in my defence, I have been working hard on my A2 English Coursework for the last month and that took up an awful lot of my time!
Anyway, a lot has happened in the time since I haven't written written on here. As I mentioned, I've just finished my entire English A level which was a pretty exceptional feeling in itself. Last week I also visited a few University Open Days and that's given me real motivation to work especially hard next year, accompanied with a feeling of control as to where my life is headed and in which direction I want to take it. Obviously, summer is here so I'm having to splash on the sun cream every morning, as nowadays I burn so easily, but the weather does keep reminding me that I'll be InterRailing in less than a month, something which I am really really excited for!!
However, last week, as well as visiting Universities, I also went to my Sixth Form's leavers prom. I had been dreading this "final goodbye" for a long time and although the night was incredible and I got to spend it with some great friends, it was as difficult as I had anticipated. I said goodbye to some of the people who had completely carried me through the worst of my treatment, had seen me at my most vulnerable and (in my eyes) most pathetic.
I'm often told when writing this blog not to regularly thank my friends and family, because while this blog is about me, it's also meant to be a general account for other teenagers going through similar cancer related experiences. However, I do feel completely justified in thanking the most amazing group of people that I've ever had the privilege to know and call my friends. Every single show of support has been truly appreciated and I honestly know just how lucky I have been, to be surrounded by such a brilliant group of people. I've written in the past about how important it is not to "stick your head in the sand" and avoid problems by simply hoping that they will go away. I'm ashamed to admit that in the case of my friends leaving, I have very much acted hypocritically. I wanted so badly to be going with them to University and not be left behind, that I've remained in a state of denial, a decision that I now realise wasn't the right one to make, it was the easy way out in the short term.
While I'm desperately saddened by all my friends going their separate ways and I have no doubt it will take a while for me to begin to fully accept that they have gone, I will try to keep in mind a quote of J.R.R.Tolkien's, "All we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us." I've had some utterly brilliant years with the people I love and there's no way I could forget what they have done for me. However, their leaving is out of my control and I can either be miserable and downhearted, or make the best out of a not great situation and build a future for myself that I want, starting with working hard at school and mapping out where I want to be afterwards.
Anyway, a lot has happened in the time since I haven't written written on here. As I mentioned, I've just finished my entire English A level which was a pretty exceptional feeling in itself. Last week I also visited a few University Open Days and that's given me real motivation to work especially hard next year, accompanied with a feeling of control as to where my life is headed and in which direction I want to take it. Obviously, summer is here so I'm having to splash on the sun cream every morning, as nowadays I burn so easily, but the weather does keep reminding me that I'll be InterRailing in less than a month, something which I am really really excited for!!
However, last week, as well as visiting Universities, I also went to my Sixth Form's leavers prom. I had been dreading this "final goodbye" for a long time and although the night was incredible and I got to spend it with some great friends, it was as difficult as I had anticipated. I said goodbye to some of the people who had completely carried me through the worst of my treatment, had seen me at my most vulnerable and (in my eyes) most pathetic.
I'm often told when writing this blog not to regularly thank my friends and family, because while this blog is about me, it's also meant to be a general account for other teenagers going through similar cancer related experiences. However, I do feel completely justified in thanking the most amazing group of people that I've ever had the privilege to know and call my friends. Every single show of support has been truly appreciated and I honestly know just how lucky I have been, to be surrounded by such a brilliant group of people. I've written in the past about how important it is not to "stick your head in the sand" and avoid problems by simply hoping that they will go away. I'm ashamed to admit that in the case of my friends leaving, I have very much acted hypocritically. I wanted so badly to be going with them to University and not be left behind, that I've remained in a state of denial, a decision that I now realise wasn't the right one to make, it was the easy way out in the short term.
While I'm desperately saddened by all my friends going their separate ways and I have no doubt it will take a while for me to begin to fully accept that they have gone, I will try to keep in mind a quote of J.R.R.Tolkien's, "All we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us." I've had some utterly brilliant years with the people I love and there's no way I could forget what they have done for me. However, their leaving is out of my control and I can either be miserable and downhearted, or make the best out of a not great situation and build a future for myself that I want, starting with working hard at school and mapping out where I want to be afterwards.
Monday, 9 June 2014
Could I Be Maturing??
What I've discovered over the past year and a half, is that it is vitally important that you don't purely focus on the setbacks in life.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, my Scuba Diving being cancelled last weekend due to changeable weather is clearly not a huge problem, but it wasn't the best news that I've had. In the last couple of months I have mentioned in this blog that the prospect of diving for the first time in almost two years is something that I have been really looking forward to. It had become a symbol for me of restored normality in my life and in truth, had possibly represented pre-cancer Will. When I got the call that the whole trip had been cancelled, I was bitterly disappointed, but I soon realised that I had let this one activity evolve into something more significant than it actually was. I took some time to reflect on other achievements that prove how over the past few months I have rebuilt myself (with huge help from all the people closest to me of course) after my biggest setback, being diagnosed with cancer. For instance, on Friday I finished the last of my five AS and A2 exams of this year, a feat that a year ago seemed desperately unlikely.
Arguably, one of my biggest faults before my diagnosis was that I lacked the ability to put things in perspective. I used to blow everything out of proportion and trivial problems appeared far more important than they actually were. While not being able to Scuba Dive last weekend was disappointing and initially I couldn't see the bigger picture, my reaction to the news has shown me that since I was diagnosed, (there is a small chance that) maybe I have grown up, to the point where I no longer only focus on disappointments, but can also reflect on good things to pick myself back up.
Obviously, everyone deals with issues and difficulties in their own way and I cannot stress enough that in my mind, there is absolutely NO right or wrong way to approach any given situation that causes stress or upset no matter how big or small in each individual's eyes. However, the point of my blogging is primarily to help people who are in a similar situation to me and so if I could give any advice about tackling any kind of setback at all, it would be to try and focus on the good as well as the bad. Things do get better and focusing on a problem, invariably doesn't make it go away.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, my Scuba Diving being cancelled last weekend due to changeable weather is clearly not a huge problem, but it wasn't the best news that I've had. In the last couple of months I have mentioned in this blog that the prospect of diving for the first time in almost two years is something that I have been really looking forward to. It had become a symbol for me of restored normality in my life and in truth, had possibly represented pre-cancer Will. When I got the call that the whole trip had been cancelled, I was bitterly disappointed, but I soon realised that I had let this one activity evolve into something more significant than it actually was. I took some time to reflect on other achievements that prove how over the past few months I have rebuilt myself (with huge help from all the people closest to me of course) after my biggest setback, being diagnosed with cancer. For instance, on Friday I finished the last of my five AS and A2 exams of this year, a feat that a year ago seemed desperately unlikely.
Arguably, one of my biggest faults before my diagnosis was that I lacked the ability to put things in perspective. I used to blow everything out of proportion and trivial problems appeared far more important than they actually were. While not being able to Scuba Dive last weekend was disappointing and initially I couldn't see the bigger picture, my reaction to the news has shown me that since I was diagnosed, (there is a small chance that) maybe I have grown up, to the point where I no longer only focus on disappointments, but can also reflect on good things to pick myself back up.
Obviously, everyone deals with issues and difficulties in their own way and I cannot stress enough that in my mind, there is absolutely NO right or wrong way to approach any given situation that causes stress or upset no matter how big or small in each individual's eyes. However, the point of my blogging is primarily to help people who are in a similar situation to me and so if I could give any advice about tackling any kind of setback at all, it would be to try and focus on the good as well as the bad. Things do get better and focusing on a problem, invariably doesn't make it go away.
Monday, 2 June 2014
Revision Can't Always Be Fun!
Sorry about the lack of blog post last week, I have been focusing hard on my final exam which I'm taking this Friday and for the same reason, I'm afraid that this weeks update will also be brief. My doctors very kindly went out of their way to bring my Vincristine treatment, as well as my five days of steroids, forward to Friday instead of Monday. This should mean that the aching limbs/insatiable hunger/violent mood swings/uncontrollable spitting/lack of focus will be less prevalent come the time of my exam. However, this does mean that I am experiencing those effects of my treatment now, which is making revision all that more fun, mind you, it was hardly a barrel of laughs when I was feeling fine... Still, I'm staying upbeat and determined thanks to support from my incredibly patient family and a cheeky slice of Dominos pizza from time to time!
I'm sorry that tonight's post is so short but Revision + Steroids = Exhausted Will! Hopefully by next week, once all of my exams are out of the way, I'll be feeling more relaxed and will write a slightly more informative (and possibly more coherent) blog post!
I'm sorry that tonight's post is so short but Revision + Steroids = Exhausted Will! Hopefully by next week, once all of my exams are out of the way, I'll be feeling more relaxed and will write a slightly more informative (and possibly more coherent) blog post!
Monday, 19 May 2014
A Storm Indeed
When reflecting upon this week, it feels like a lot has happened very quickly. It's been a turbulent seven days for me and my family which began with the death of Stephen Sutton that has been so widely publicised across, ostensibly, all media formats. Obviously, I was aware that with the severity of his cancer, it was always a question of when he was going to die, rather than if, but it still had a shocking effect on me and I know that I will not forget the huge amount of good that he achieved in the world, as well as the personal memories that I have of him.
Stephen's death meant that I was especially conscious of my own health in the days that followed and the idea of "relapsing" has been prevalent in my thoughts, more so than usual. Therefore, when, on Thursday, I received blood results that consisted of frighteningly low platelets and was told that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible, I was incredibly scared. I realised just how much I had been thinking about the consequences of my Leukaemia returning and how those thoughts had been eating away inside of me. It was honestly terrifying. I thought about how I'd have to permanently drop out of school, undergo a bone marrow transplant which would possibly be taken from my sister thus affecting her life hugely, lose all my hair again, once more be removed from the teenage "normality" that I am always striving for, and most importantly of all, survive! It felt surreal while I was waiting in the hospital, that the results of the second blood tests taken to double check the original results, could alter my life so massively, I don't think I've ever been so filled with anxiety.
However, after less than a half hour wait, it turned out that everything was fine and the blood sample of the original test had been of insufficient quantity and therefore had been so diluted to increase the volume of blood, that the results were wildly inaccurate. I would argue though, that this was a valuable, if hardly desirable, lesson and I took a lot away from Thursday.
It was only after being placed in that grim situation that I could really understand how fixated I had become in my head about a potential relapse occurring. Whether I do relapse or not is almost irrelevant, as on Thursday I began to understand that it is almost entirely out of my control. Obviously there are things that I can do to decrease the risk, such as eating healthily, sleeping well and exercising, but ultimately there is probably not a huge amount that I can do about it.
So yes, it is undoubtedly important to be aware that there is the potential for my Leukaemia to return and I should actively try to combat the cancer with a healthy lifestyle, but equally, I must not let fear consume me and instead I should follow Stephen's example and aim to live life to the fullest.
Stephen's death meant that I was especially conscious of my own health in the days that followed and the idea of "relapsing" has been prevalent in my thoughts, more so than usual. Therefore, when, on Thursday, I received blood results that consisted of frighteningly low platelets and was told that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible, I was incredibly scared. I realised just how much I had been thinking about the consequences of my Leukaemia returning and how those thoughts had been eating away inside of me. It was honestly terrifying. I thought about how I'd have to permanently drop out of school, undergo a bone marrow transplant which would possibly be taken from my sister thus affecting her life hugely, lose all my hair again, once more be removed from the teenage "normality" that I am always striving for, and most importantly of all, survive! It felt surreal while I was waiting in the hospital, that the results of the second blood tests taken to double check the original results, could alter my life so massively, I don't think I've ever been so filled with anxiety.
However, after less than a half hour wait, it turned out that everything was fine and the blood sample of the original test had been of insufficient quantity and therefore had been so diluted to increase the volume of blood, that the results were wildly inaccurate. I would argue though, that this was a valuable, if hardly desirable, lesson and I took a lot away from Thursday.
It was only after being placed in that grim situation that I could really understand how fixated I had become in my head about a potential relapse occurring. Whether I do relapse or not is almost irrelevant, as on Thursday I began to understand that it is almost entirely out of my control. Obviously there are things that I can do to decrease the risk, such as eating healthily, sleeping well and exercising, but ultimately there is probably not a huge amount that I can do about it.
So yes, it is undoubtedly important to be aware that there is the potential for my Leukaemia to return and I should actively try to combat the cancer with a healthy lifestyle, but equally, I must not let fear consume me and instead I should follow Stephen's example and aim to live life to the fullest.
Monday, 12 May 2014
The Not So Calm Before The Storm
Only a short post tonight just to let you know that from a medical point of view nothing drastic has changed and I'm still feeling pretty O.K. However, tomorrow begins the start of my exams and it's pretty intense from now until the beginning of June. I feel like I've prepared pretty well and so I'm trying to subdue my nerves as best as I can, but I've never been one to go into an exam brimming with confidence. Tomorrow we're getting the ball rolling with a Philosophy and Ethics AS paper so my fingers are crossed that God's on my side (ha) and I get a straightforward set of questions.
However, a bit of positive news before brooding over exams takes it's toll on my writing! A few days ago I applied for tickets to see The Arctic Monkeys live at Finsbury Park in London, through the Teenage Cancer Trust and luckily I was one of the names pulled out of the hat. I'm going on Saturday the 24th of May, the day after one of my most difficult exams, so that'll be some really good light relief and provides me with something brilliant to look forward to.
Anyway, back to some final revision before I become entrenched in "grade boundaries" and "UMS marks", good luck to anyone else sitting tests in the next few weeks!
However, a bit of positive news before brooding over exams takes it's toll on my writing! A few days ago I applied for tickets to see The Arctic Monkeys live at Finsbury Park in London, through the Teenage Cancer Trust and luckily I was one of the names pulled out of the hat. I'm going on Saturday the 24th of May, the day after one of my most difficult exams, so that'll be some really good light relief and provides me with something brilliant to look forward to.
Anyway, back to some final revision before I become entrenched in "grade boundaries" and "UMS marks", good luck to anyone else sitting tests in the next few weeks!
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