Not Even A Second

This weekend, once again, helped put life into perspective for me. It's difficult to know how to start writing this entry but I guess I'll just write what comes into my head. On Saturday, my Aunt suffered a horrendous accident where she fell from the roof of a five storey building. She was immediately rushed to hospital and then transferred to the specialist intensive liver treatment unit in Kings Hospital, London. At the moment her condition is still life threatening but there have been signs of improvement. 

What we have been told is that it's a miracle that she is alive. 

However, what else can I do but wonder what sort of miracle this is? I find it very hard to accept that I should be thankful for any part of this appalling accident. It makes no sense to me, any more than me being diagnosed with Leukaemia. Maybe this is just the way life is. At times it can make you feel powerless and fill you with a sense of injustice but it also teaches us to appreciate every single second of your life. Let me make it absolutely clear though, that thinking in this way doesn't make accidents or tragedies any easier at all. I can honestly say first hand, that this perspective on life doesn't make a single second of the unfairness, any easier to deal with at all. 

All I can do now is hope that my Aunt pulls through. She's an incredibly strong person and all her family love her very very much.

Back On Track

After the initial set back of this year with my increase in chemotherapy, I am more than relieved to say that the higher dosage is having the desired effects on my blood. I can happily say that the counts are steadily dropping, which is a real positive. However, this is sort of a double edged sword as while it shows that the treatment is definitely working well, it has some not so fun consequences on the rest of my body. Over the last couple of weeks I've found that I'm more prone to unexpected fatigue and sudden aching in my legs, as well as severe lapses in concentration. It's only in the last few days that I've started to feel quite nauseated.

This has all been quite strange for me because, during the run up to Christmas, I had felt very few ill effects of my treatment and now I'm experiencing some of "the classics"! However, the most serious ramification is that my immune system is now completely shot. I just have to be really careful not to get any kind of cold or infection as my body won't be able to do very much to defend itself. This state of non-existent immunity is called neutropenia which is caused by a massive reduction in my neutrophils but it's something that I haven't had to experience since the very start of my treatment . In all honesty, being neutropenic is no where near as dramatic as I expect I am portraying it to be and isn't not a huge deal at all. If my body adhered to "normal" treatment procedure then I'd be neutropenic far more often than I have been so far. As it is though, I'll take the next week or so especially carefully and with any luck my immune system will have recovered and I'll be feeling somewhat better!

Another Year - Still Ill

A lot seems to have happened since I last wrote on here. Hopefully everyone has had a peaceful Christmas and of course best wishes for the New Year. I was exceptionally lucky this year with the dates of my treatment, in that for the entire Christmas period I was out of hospital! This was a huge contrast to last year where it felt like I was in and out of Gloucester pretty much every other day. I also turned 18 last Thursday which felt pretty momentous and I celebrated a really lovely day with my friends and family.

I've attempted to come into this year with renewed vigor. After many of my friends have now been given offers to University's of their choice, I'm more determined than ever to succeed at school. Instead of letting their unhindered academic progress get me down, it's made me more excited about my future and I'm now pushing myself that little bit harder.

Now, after that little pep talk I do need to still aim to be realistic. My chemotherapy has gone up another notch again which has brought about another influx of tablets. Suddenly, the prospect of a New Year which started so positively and full of hope has taken a little bit of a knock. However, I am going to keep my spirits up and be the best that I can be in everything I do.

A quick positive to finish on however! My friends and I from Sixth Form are partaking in something called The Pink Escape to raise money for Breast Cancer Care. We will attempt to get as far away from Stroud as possible in 36 hours in teams of 3 with only £10 per person! This is such a worthwhile cause as breast cancer affects so many people and this charity endeavors to support anyone who needs it's help. If anyone would like to donate then please do not hesitate to visit our website and give whatever you can at: http://www.justgiving.com/thepinkescape