A Storm Indeed

When reflecting upon this week, it feels like a lot has happened very quickly. It's been a turbulent seven days for me and my family which began with the death of Stephen Sutton that has been so widely publicised across, ostensibly, all media formats. Obviously, I was aware that with the severity of his cancer, it was always a question of when he was going to die, rather than if, but it still had a shocking effect on me and I know that I will not forget the huge amount of good  that he achieved in the world, as well as the personal memories that I have of him.

Stephen's death meant that I was especially conscious of my own health in the days that followed and the idea of "relapsing" has been prevalent in my thoughts, more so than usual. Therefore, when, on Thursday, I received blood results that consisted of frighteningly low platelets and was told that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible, I was incredibly scared. I realised just how much I had been thinking about the consequences of my Leukaemia returning and how those thoughts had been eating away inside of me. It was honestly terrifying. I thought about how I'd have to permanently drop out of school, undergo a bone marrow transplant which would possibly be taken from my sister thus affecting her life hugely, lose all my hair again, once more be removed from the teenage "normality" that I am always striving for, and most importantly of all, survive! It felt surreal while I was waiting in the hospital, that the results of the second blood tests taken to double check the original results, could alter my life so massively, I don't think I've ever been so filled with anxiety.

However, after less than a half hour wait, it turned out that everything was fine and the blood sample of the original test had been of insufficient quantity and therefore had been so diluted to increase the volume of blood, that the results were wildly inaccurate. I would argue though, that this was a valuable, if hardly desirable, lesson and I took a lot away from Thursday.

It was only after being placed in that grim situation that I could really understand how fixated I had become in my head about a potential relapse occurring. Whether I do relapse or not is almost irrelevant, as on Thursday I began to understand that it is almost entirely out of my control. Obviously there are things that I can do to decrease the risk, such as eating healthily, sleeping well and exercising, but ultimately there is probably not a huge amount that I can do about it.

So yes, it is undoubtedly important to be aware that there is the potential for my Leukaemia to return and I should actively try to combat the cancer with a healthy lifestyle, but equally, I must not let fear consume me and instead I should follow Stephen's example and aim to live life to the fullest.

The Not So Calm Before The Storm

Only a short post tonight just to let you know that from a medical point of view nothing drastic has changed and I'm still feeling pretty O.K. However, tomorrow begins the start of my exams and it's pretty intense from now until the beginning of June. I feel like I've prepared pretty well and so I'm trying to subdue my nerves as best as I can, but I've never been one to go into an exam brimming with confidence. Tomorrow we're getting the ball rolling with a Philosophy and Ethics AS paper so my fingers are crossed that God's on my side (ha) and I get a straightforward set of questions.

However, a bit of positive news before brooding over exams takes it's toll on my writing! A few days ago I applied for tickets to see The Arctic Monkeys live at Finsbury Park in London, through the Teenage Cancer Trust and luckily I was one of the names pulled out of the hat. I'm going on Saturday the 24th of May, the day after one of my most difficult exams, so that'll be some really good light relief and provides me with something brilliant to look forward to.

Anyway, back to some final revision before I become entrenched in "grade boundaries" and "UMS marks", good luck to anyone else sitting tests in the next few weeks!

Term's Ending

I don't have too much to report from a medical point of view at the moment. My chemotherapy increased marginally again last week and since then I've had my usual steroids, but with those now out of the way I can now focus my entire attention on getting through the next month of exams. I'm pretty lucky in that my five exams are spaced out evenly across the next thirty days so hopefully by the last one, I won't be too exhausted for Scuba Diving the day after!

As I'm doing AS and A2 exams this year, I've been unsure as to whether I am meant to attend, or even feel comfortable being a part of, the annual Year 13 Leavers Day. The tradition of this day demands that Year 13's come into school on the last day before their study leave begins and awards are given out for "Best Student" and "Comedian of the Year"etc. However, as I'm not technically leaving the school next year, the "Leavers Day", didn't feel like it applied to me. After explaining my thoughts to a teacher, she offered her own view as to why she felt that it was important that I did go. She said to me that the Day isn't about all my friends going off to University and therefore, leaving me behind. Instead, the day represents the last school day before friends "Leave" each other and take the next huge step in their lives, whether that is another year of education at Sixth Form, or a Gap Year, or going off to University. So that's how I'm going to approach the day. It's definitely not what I would have chosen, but missing out on saying goodbye to people who I've been friends with for seven years would be much worse.