I'd like to start by apologising for not writing for a few weeks however, in my defence, I have been working hard on my A2 English Coursework for the last month and that took up an awful lot of my time!
Anyway, a lot has happened in the time since I haven't written written on here. As I mentioned, I've just finished my entire English A level which was a pretty exceptional feeling in itself. Last week I also visited a few University Open Days and that's given me real motivation to work especially hard next year, accompanied with a feeling of control as to where my life is headed and in which direction I want to take it. Obviously, summer is here so I'm having to splash on the sun cream every morning, as nowadays I burn so easily, but the weather does keep reminding me that I'll be InterRailing in less than a month, something which I am really really excited for!!
However, last week, as well as visiting Universities, I also went to my Sixth Form's leavers prom. I had been dreading this "final goodbye" for a long time and although the night was incredible and I got to spend it with some great friends, it was as difficult as I had anticipated. I said goodbye to some of the people who had completely carried me through the worst of my treatment, had seen me at my most vulnerable and (in my eyes) most pathetic.
I'm often told when writing this blog not to regularly thank my friends and family, because while this blog is about me, it's also meant to be a general account for other teenagers going through similar cancer related experiences. However, I do feel completely justified in thanking the most amazing group of people that I've ever had the privilege to know and call my friends. Every single show of support has been truly appreciated and I honestly know just how lucky I have been, to be surrounded by such a brilliant group of people. I've written in the past about how important it is not to "stick your head in the sand" and avoid problems by simply hoping that they will go away. I'm ashamed to admit that in the case of my friends leaving, I have very much acted hypocritically. I wanted so badly to be going with them to University and not be left behind, that I've remained in a state of denial, a decision that I now realise wasn't the right one to make, it was the easy way out in the short term.
While I'm desperately saddened by all my friends going their separate ways and I have no doubt it will take a while for me to begin to fully accept that they have gone, I will try to keep in mind a quote of J.R.R.Tolkien's, "All we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us." I've had some utterly brilliant years with the people I love and there's no way I could forget what they have done for me. However, their leaving is out of my control and I can either be miserable and downhearted, or make the best out of a not great situation and build a future for myself that I want, starting with working hard at school and mapping out where I want to be afterwards.
