Appropriately it would seem, my 50th blog post will be about an incredible experience I recently had that even after almost 2 and a half years of treatment, changed my perception towards dealing with cancer once more.
Last weekend I was privileged enough to not only be allowed back to Find Your Sense of Tumour (the annual Teenage Cancer Trust conference for hundreds of young people who convene at Nottingham Centre Parcs) but I was also given the opportunity to speak on the Sunday afternoon to the rest of the invitees. I was asked to outline the benefits and indeed problems that can be associated with blogging due to the Teenage Cancer Trust having read some of my previous posts on this page. I know it might sound a little corny but after the profound effect that last years FYSOT had on my approach to treatment, I was truly honoured to be asked to say a few words.
However, the weekend was vastly different to the experience that I had last year. For one thing, this year, everyone who attended was between the ages of 18 and 25 which for me was brilliant! Being one of the youngest I spoke to many people who had already finished treatment and had started experiencing life beyond cancer, giving me an encouraging boost for my final year (and one month and 2 days) of treatment. However, the weekend was by no means just a holiday break, an escape from the monotony of school work, as I found that at times I was overwhelmed by the somewhat strange atmosphere. It stands to reason that if you're surrounded by hundreds of people who share the commonality of having a disease, then that's what is going to be primarily discussed. I went from my home environment where I try and put my Leukaemia to the back of my mind, treating myself like a "normal" person, to a place where I was surrounded by the very thing I try every day to forget. I know lots and lots of people deal with having cancer differently and for many, surrounding themselves with other people who share their experiences really motivates them, but sadly this isn't the case for me. I had forgotten the intensity of emotions at FYSOT and I did find it a little distressing watching some people break down at the inspirational talks and others sit their smiling and laughing. It messed with my head a little bit to be honest! This however, did not detract one tiny bit from the absolutely amazing people I met. After shutting myself away from other people with cancer (partly due to not being on a Teenage Cancer Trust Ward for the majority of my treatment as the Royal Gloucester Hospital does not have one) I found it exhilarating to meet teenagers with the most incredible stories of diagnosis, treatments etc. that I'd never have been able to imagine.
I was thrown in with the Bristol and South West group and was fairly nervous about being the little country boy from the Cotswolds with one of the most common (and in my mind, least "interesting") cancers. Yet every single one of the people I met had a maturity and understanding beyond any of their years (sounds patronising but damn is it true). The amount of times I heard from so many young people over the weekend "I don't believe my type of cancer makes me worthy of being here" or "I didn't have to have any chemotherapy so I'm not sure how I fit in" was ridiculous. However, each of these statements was met with the same compassion and realisation that every cancer experience is different and that makes them incomparable to each other. Therefore everyone was welcomed and was made to feel like they could share and be a part of something so much bigger than individuals.
For me, the Teenage Cancer Trust's weekend not only provided a bit of positive respite from having to pretend everyday that I'm always okay, but it also allowed me to make some really brilliant new friends who know how rubbish cancer can be and I feel I can relate to.
Find Your Sense of Tumour brings together people from all across the country and yet no matter where they are from, the one thing that they all have in common isn't just cancer, it's a deep understanding and camaraderie that comes naturally to teenagers who are all in the same boat but are all striving to make the best of a really rough situation.
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