A Storm Indeed

When reflecting upon this week, it feels like a lot has happened very quickly. It's been a turbulent seven days for me and my family which began with the death of Stephen Sutton that has been so widely publicised across, ostensibly, all media formats. Obviously, I was aware that with the severity of his cancer, it was always a question of when he was going to die, rather than if, but it still had a shocking effect on me and I know that I will not forget the huge amount of good  that he achieved in the world, as well as the personal memories that I have of him.

Stephen's death meant that I was especially conscious of my own health in the days that followed and the idea of "relapsing" has been prevalent in my thoughts, more so than usual. Therefore, when, on Thursday, I received blood results that consisted of frighteningly low platelets and was told that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible, I was incredibly scared. I realised just how much I had been thinking about the consequences of my Leukaemia returning and how those thoughts had been eating away inside of me. It was honestly terrifying. I thought about how I'd have to permanently drop out of school, undergo a bone marrow transplant which would possibly be taken from my sister thus affecting her life hugely, lose all my hair again, once more be removed from the teenage "normality" that I am always striving for, and most importantly of all, survive! It felt surreal while I was waiting in the hospital, that the results of the second blood tests taken to double check the original results, could alter my life so massively, I don't think I've ever been so filled with anxiety.

However, after less than a half hour wait, it turned out that everything was fine and the blood sample of the original test had been of insufficient quantity and therefore had been so diluted to increase the volume of blood, that the results were wildly inaccurate. I would argue though, that this was a valuable, if hardly desirable, lesson and I took a lot away from Thursday.

It was only after being placed in that grim situation that I could really understand how fixated I had become in my head about a potential relapse occurring. Whether I do relapse or not is almost irrelevant, as on Thursday I began to understand that it is almost entirely out of my control. Obviously there are things that I can do to decrease the risk, such as eating healthily, sleeping well and exercising, but ultimately there is probably not a huge amount that I can do about it.

So yes, it is undoubtedly important to be aware that there is the potential for my Leukaemia to return and I should actively try to combat the cancer with a healthy lifestyle, but equally, I must not let fear consume me and instead I should follow Stephen's example and aim to live life to the fullest.