What I've discovered over the past year and a half, is that it is vitally important that you don't purely focus on the setbacks in life.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, my Scuba Diving being cancelled last weekend due to changeable weather is clearly not a huge problem, but it wasn't the best news that I've had. In the last couple of months I have mentioned in this blog that the prospect of diving for the first time in almost two years is something that I have been really looking forward to. It had become a symbol for me of restored normality in my life and in truth, had possibly represented pre-cancer Will. When I got the call that the whole trip had been cancelled, I was bitterly disappointed, but I soon realised that I had let this one activity evolve into something more significant than it actually was. I took some time to reflect on other achievements that prove how over the past few months I have rebuilt myself (with huge help from all the people closest to me of course) after my biggest setback, being diagnosed with cancer. For instance, on Friday I finished the last of my five AS and A2 exams of this year, a feat that a year ago seemed desperately unlikely.
Arguably, one of my biggest faults before my diagnosis was that I lacked the ability to put things in perspective. I used to blow everything out of proportion and trivial problems appeared far more important than they actually were. While not being able to Scuba Dive last weekend was disappointing and initially I couldn't see the bigger picture, my reaction to the news has shown me that since I was diagnosed, (there is a small chance that) maybe I have grown up, to the point where I no longer only focus on disappointments, but can also reflect on good things to pick myself back up.
Obviously, everyone deals with issues and difficulties in their own way and I cannot stress enough that in my mind, there is absolutely NO right or wrong way to approach any given situation that causes stress or upset no matter how big or small in each individual's eyes. However, the point of my blogging is primarily to help people who are in a similar situation to me and so if I could give any advice about tackling any kind of setback at all, it would be to try and focus on the good as well as the bad. Things do get better and focusing on a problem, invariably doesn't make it go away.
Monday, 9 June 2014
Monday, 2 June 2014
Revision Can't Always Be Fun!
Sorry about the lack of blog post last week, I have been focusing hard on my final exam which I'm taking this Friday and for the same reason, I'm afraid that this weeks update will also be brief. My doctors very kindly went out of their way to bring my Vincristine treatment, as well as my five days of steroids, forward to Friday instead of Monday. This should mean that the aching limbs/insatiable hunger/violent mood swings/uncontrollable spitting/lack of focus will be less prevalent come the time of my exam. However, this does mean that I am experiencing those effects of my treatment now, which is making revision all that more fun, mind you, it was hardly a barrel of laughs when I was feeling fine... Still, I'm staying upbeat and determined thanks to support from my incredibly patient family and a cheeky slice of Dominos pizza from time to time!
I'm sorry that tonight's post is so short but Revision + Steroids = Exhausted Will! Hopefully by next week, once all of my exams are out of the way, I'll be feeling more relaxed and will write a slightly more informative (and possibly more coherent) blog post!
I'm sorry that tonight's post is so short but Revision + Steroids = Exhausted Will! Hopefully by next week, once all of my exams are out of the way, I'll be feeling more relaxed and will write a slightly more informative (and possibly more coherent) blog post!
Monday, 19 May 2014
A Storm Indeed
When reflecting upon this week, it feels like a lot has happened very quickly. It's been a turbulent seven days for me and my family which began with the death of Stephen Sutton that has been so widely publicised across, ostensibly, all media formats. Obviously, I was aware that with the severity of his cancer, it was always a question of when he was going to die, rather than if, but it still had a shocking effect on me and I know that I will not forget the huge amount of good that he achieved in the world, as well as the personal memories that I have of him.
Stephen's death meant that I was especially conscious of my own health in the days that followed and the idea of "relapsing" has been prevalent in my thoughts, more so than usual. Therefore, when, on Thursday, I received blood results that consisted of frighteningly low platelets and was told that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible, I was incredibly scared. I realised just how much I had been thinking about the consequences of my Leukaemia returning and how those thoughts had been eating away inside of me. It was honestly terrifying. I thought about how I'd have to permanently drop out of school, undergo a bone marrow transplant which would possibly be taken from my sister thus affecting her life hugely, lose all my hair again, once more be removed from the teenage "normality" that I am always striving for, and most importantly of all, survive! It felt surreal while I was waiting in the hospital, that the results of the second blood tests taken to double check the original results, could alter my life so massively, I don't think I've ever been so filled with anxiety.
However, after less than a half hour wait, it turned out that everything was fine and the blood sample of the original test had been of insufficient quantity and therefore had been so diluted to increase the volume of blood, that the results were wildly inaccurate. I would argue though, that this was a valuable, if hardly desirable, lesson and I took a lot away from Thursday.
It was only after being placed in that grim situation that I could really understand how fixated I had become in my head about a potential relapse occurring. Whether I do relapse or not is almost irrelevant, as on Thursday I began to understand that it is almost entirely out of my control. Obviously there are things that I can do to decrease the risk, such as eating healthily, sleeping well and exercising, but ultimately there is probably not a huge amount that I can do about it.
So yes, it is undoubtedly important to be aware that there is the potential for my Leukaemia to return and I should actively try to combat the cancer with a healthy lifestyle, but equally, I must not let fear consume me and instead I should follow Stephen's example and aim to live life to the fullest.
Stephen's death meant that I was especially conscious of my own health in the days that followed and the idea of "relapsing" has been prevalent in my thoughts, more so than usual. Therefore, when, on Thursday, I received blood results that consisted of frighteningly low platelets and was told that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible, I was incredibly scared. I realised just how much I had been thinking about the consequences of my Leukaemia returning and how those thoughts had been eating away inside of me. It was honestly terrifying. I thought about how I'd have to permanently drop out of school, undergo a bone marrow transplant which would possibly be taken from my sister thus affecting her life hugely, lose all my hair again, once more be removed from the teenage "normality" that I am always striving for, and most importantly of all, survive! It felt surreal while I was waiting in the hospital, that the results of the second blood tests taken to double check the original results, could alter my life so massively, I don't think I've ever been so filled with anxiety.
However, after less than a half hour wait, it turned out that everything was fine and the blood sample of the original test had been of insufficient quantity and therefore had been so diluted to increase the volume of blood, that the results were wildly inaccurate. I would argue though, that this was a valuable, if hardly desirable, lesson and I took a lot away from Thursday.
It was only after being placed in that grim situation that I could really understand how fixated I had become in my head about a potential relapse occurring. Whether I do relapse or not is almost irrelevant, as on Thursday I began to understand that it is almost entirely out of my control. Obviously there are things that I can do to decrease the risk, such as eating healthily, sleeping well and exercising, but ultimately there is probably not a huge amount that I can do about it.
So yes, it is undoubtedly important to be aware that there is the potential for my Leukaemia to return and I should actively try to combat the cancer with a healthy lifestyle, but equally, I must not let fear consume me and instead I should follow Stephen's example and aim to live life to the fullest.
Monday, 12 May 2014
The Not So Calm Before The Storm
Only a short post tonight just to let you know that from a medical point of view nothing drastic has changed and I'm still feeling pretty O.K. However, tomorrow begins the start of my exams and it's pretty intense from now until the beginning of June. I feel like I've prepared pretty well and so I'm trying to subdue my nerves as best as I can, but I've never been one to go into an exam brimming with confidence. Tomorrow we're getting the ball rolling with a Philosophy and Ethics AS paper so my fingers are crossed that God's on my side (ha) and I get a straightforward set of questions.
However, a bit of positive news before brooding over exams takes it's toll on my writing! A few days ago I applied for tickets to see The Arctic Monkeys live at Finsbury Park in London, through the Teenage Cancer Trust and luckily I was one of the names pulled out of the hat. I'm going on Saturday the 24th of May, the day after one of my most difficult exams, so that'll be some really good light relief and provides me with something brilliant to look forward to.
Anyway, back to some final revision before I become entrenched in "grade boundaries" and "UMS marks", good luck to anyone else sitting tests in the next few weeks!
However, a bit of positive news before brooding over exams takes it's toll on my writing! A few days ago I applied for tickets to see The Arctic Monkeys live at Finsbury Park in London, through the Teenage Cancer Trust and luckily I was one of the names pulled out of the hat. I'm going on Saturday the 24th of May, the day after one of my most difficult exams, so that'll be some really good light relief and provides me with something brilliant to look forward to.
Anyway, back to some final revision before I become entrenched in "grade boundaries" and "UMS marks", good luck to anyone else sitting tests in the next few weeks!
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
Term's Ending
I don't have too much to report from a medical point of view at the moment. My chemotherapy increased marginally again last week and since then I've had my usual steroids, but with those now out of the way I can now focus my entire attention on getting through the next month of exams. I'm pretty lucky in that my five exams are spaced out evenly across the next thirty days so hopefully by the last one, I won't be too exhausted for Scuba Diving the day after!
As I'm doing AS and A2 exams this year, I've been unsure as to whether I am meant to attend, or even feel comfortable being a part of, the annual Year 13 Leavers Day. The tradition of this day demands that Year 13's come into school on the last day before their study leave begins and awards are given out for "Best Student" and "Comedian of the Year"etc. However, as I'm not technically leaving the school next year, the "Leavers Day", didn't feel like it applied to me. After explaining my thoughts to a teacher, she offered her own view as to why she felt that it was important that I did go. She said to me that the Day isn't about all my friends going off to University and therefore, leaving me behind. Instead, the day represents the last school day before friends "Leave" each other and take the next huge step in their lives, whether that is another year of education at Sixth Form, or a Gap Year, or going off to University. So that's how I'm going to approach the day. It's definitely not what I would have chosen, but missing out on saying goodbye to people who I've been friends with for seven years would be much worse.
As I'm doing AS and A2 exams this year, I've been unsure as to whether I am meant to attend, or even feel comfortable being a part of, the annual Year 13 Leavers Day. The tradition of this day demands that Year 13's come into school on the last day before their study leave begins and awards are given out for "Best Student" and "Comedian of the Year"etc. However, as I'm not technically leaving the school next year, the "Leavers Day", didn't feel like it applied to me. After explaining my thoughts to a teacher, she offered her own view as to why she felt that it was important that I did go. She said to me that the Day isn't about all my friends going off to University and therefore, leaving me behind. Instead, the day represents the last school day before friends "Leave" each other and take the next huge step in their lives, whether that is another year of education at Sixth Form, or a Gap Year, or going off to University. So that's how I'm going to approach the day. It's definitely not what I would have chosen, but missing out on saying goodbye to people who I've been friends with for seven years would be much worse.
Monday, 28 April 2014
Stephen Sutton - My Inspiration
This week's blog post must be dedicated to an incredible man called Stephen Sutton, who, unless you've been hiding from the news over the past week, has had a pretty turbulent time of late!
This time last week I was feeling incredibly low due to the fact that Stephen had given a "final thumbs up" as he thought he'd reached the end of the road. One of his lungs had collapsed and he was finding it very difficult to breathe. Over the next few days over two million pounds was raised for the Teenage Cancer Trust by people who were inspired by this amazing guy. A guy who has dedicated the last four years of his life to raising money for the Teenage Cancer Trust since being diagnosed with bowel cancer when he was fifteen. Now, it's very easy for someone to just recount statistics and information about how much money Stephen has raised and it certainly doesn't lessen anything that he has achieved, but when I met the man at last Octobers Find Your Sense of Tumour, my life was completely changed and so I would like to give a little bit of an insight into how he managed to do this.
Maybe it'll inspire you too...
When I met Stephen at the annual Teenage Cancer Trust event, a weekend that was created to help young people with cancer meet others who can relate to their situation, I was blown away by the matter of fact nature of the man. I had been diagnosed almost a year before and was still nowhere near coming to terms with the fact that for whatever reason, I had been diagnosed with Leukaemia. In all honesty, I was stuck in the "Why me? It's not fair" situation. Yet when Stephen Sutton ambled onto the stage with a slight hobble and his hands in his pockets I wasn't prepared for my life to be altered so drastically. This man had not only come to terms with the awful knowledge that he had terminal cancer and a terminal cancer that would mean that he wouldn't reach middle age, but he seemed positively buoyant when discussing it! I couldn't fathom how on earth he could feel so at ease talking about his illness and what it meant for his future, but soon I began to understand.
Stephen has a mantra which he strives to instill into people. He spoke of it when he was at Find Your Sense of Tumour and based on his Facebook page and Twitter account, he still lives by this belief.
This time last week I was feeling incredibly low due to the fact that Stephen had given a "final thumbs up" as he thought he'd reached the end of the road. One of his lungs had collapsed and he was finding it very difficult to breathe. Over the next few days over two million pounds was raised for the Teenage Cancer Trust by people who were inspired by this amazing guy. A guy who has dedicated the last four years of his life to raising money for the Teenage Cancer Trust since being diagnosed with bowel cancer when he was fifteen. Now, it's very easy for someone to just recount statistics and information about how much money Stephen has raised and it certainly doesn't lessen anything that he has achieved, but when I met the man at last Octobers Find Your Sense of Tumour, my life was completely changed and so I would like to give a little bit of an insight into how he managed to do this.
Maybe it'll inspire you too...
When I met Stephen at the annual Teenage Cancer Trust event, a weekend that was created to help young people with cancer meet others who can relate to their situation, I was blown away by the matter of fact nature of the man. I had been diagnosed almost a year before and was still nowhere near coming to terms with the fact that for whatever reason, I had been diagnosed with Leukaemia. In all honesty, I was stuck in the "Why me? It's not fair" situation. Yet when Stephen Sutton ambled onto the stage with a slight hobble and his hands in his pockets I wasn't prepared for my life to be altered so drastically. This man had not only come to terms with the awful knowledge that he had terminal cancer and a terminal cancer that would mean that he wouldn't reach middle age, but he seemed positively buoyant when discussing it! I couldn't fathom how on earth he could feel so at ease talking about his illness and what it meant for his future, but soon I began to understand.
Stephen has a mantra which he strives to instill into people. He spoke of it when he was at Find Your Sense of Tumour and based on his Facebook page and Twitter account, he still lives by this belief.
Stephen could not emphasise enough that it is far more important to go out and live every single day as if it was your last instead of waiting for things to just happen. Getting the news that you have cancer is honestly very very strange. Yes, it's also ghastly and scary and all those other things, but certainly for me, there was a sense of "Oh...So what's next?" Stephen had those thoughts too it would seem. Now he chooses to go out and make "what's next" the best that it can be, and that just changed my entire view on being diagnosed. He has inspired me to make the most of every single day, to throw myself into activities that I love and enjoy and that help me achieve my goals. Now, Stephen pulled through this week and even "coughed up a tumour" doing so, believe it or not. However, even today he has posted that he is still riddled with tumours in his legs and lungs and as awful as it is, all that has happened is that he has been bought a little more time. But I know that he will be more determined than ever to make the most of his time left. He has inspired more young lives than he can probably imagine and I am very thankful and feel so privileged that I am one of those many people whose life has been changed because of meeting him. I now appreciate what I do have to live for far more than I did this time last year and his optimism and hope for life has rubbed off on me just enough to make me enjoy life for what it is, rather than for what it could have been.
Monday, 21 April 2014
"Normal Will"
Again, apologies for missing another week's update but with exams looming, I'm still trying to juggle revision and well, pretty much everything else!
Physically, I've been feeling pretty good of late. I'm not too exhausted and my recent steroids weren't as grim as they have been and so I think it's just as important to acknowledge the improvements as well as the more difficult effects of the treatment.
Earlier in the week, I chose to take a few hours out of my revision to meet up with some friends in town and I bumped into a friend I'd made while on the Royal Albert Hall trip. It was a very strange experience from me as it felt like two very different parts of my life had come together. I've always tried to keep my social life and school life away from hospital, tablets and of course that includes fellow patients on the ward. I'm not saying that that is the right or wrong thing to do, but it breaks down the oppressive nature of always having the idea of "cancer" around me and therefore I feel more like a "normal" teenager. However, chatting to my friend from hospital in town made me realise that there doesn't have to be such a distinct difference between "hospital/cancer Will" and "normal Will". At home I'm a bit of both and that seems to work so perhaps in the future, I'll be less inclined to compartmentalise who I am.
Physically, I've been feeling pretty good of late. I'm not too exhausted and my recent steroids weren't as grim as they have been and so I think it's just as important to acknowledge the improvements as well as the more difficult effects of the treatment.
Earlier in the week, I chose to take a few hours out of my revision to meet up with some friends in town and I bumped into a friend I'd made while on the Royal Albert Hall trip. It was a very strange experience from me as it felt like two very different parts of my life had come together. I've always tried to keep my social life and school life away from hospital, tablets and of course that includes fellow patients on the ward. I'm not saying that that is the right or wrong thing to do, but it breaks down the oppressive nature of always having the idea of "cancer" around me and therefore I feel more like a "normal" teenager. However, chatting to my friend from hospital in town made me realise that there doesn't have to be such a distinct difference between "hospital/cancer Will" and "normal Will". At home I'm a bit of both and that seems to work so perhaps in the future, I'll be less inclined to compartmentalise who I am.
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