People Aren't All That Bad

Almost a whole week has passed now since I finished The Pink Escape adventure and I'm happy to say that the experience was a fantastic one. I had an absolutely brilliant time and as a collective of 33 we managed to raise over £8000 for Breast Cancer Care. Aside from the unforgettable event itself, the thing that struck me the most was how incredibly generous and keen to help/donate, the people who we met along the way were. Understandably, there was no shortage of inquisitive looks as we wandered through streets and railway stations around dressed in pink Lycra, but more often than not people would come up to us and inquire about the charity and show genuine interest and desire to help our cause. It was a once in a life time opportunity and not only did we manage to contribute, just a little bit, to a great charity, but on a personal note I had a bit of time away from hospitals and a really great time.

However, as my doctors did warn me, the days following The Pink Escape were really tough. I had pushed myself probably too hard and I was absolutely exhausted after we had arrived home, to the point where my body couldn't really cope and I ended up vomiting and effectively crashing, for the remainder of the week. While it took nothing away from the experience that I had enjoyed, I forgot (and should probably have learnt by now) to give myself a period of recovery. I'd had a lot of chemotherapy the week before I "escaped" and I suppose that I should have assumed that it would take a little while to get back to full health. Looking for what is good though, I'm really glad that I did push my body and I felt that I managed to prove to myself that cancer doesn't have to be an absolute controlling influence in my life!

One More Day To Go

After weeks of planning, raising support, pulling in donations and generally getting quite excited, tomorrow is the day of The Pink Escape. From 8am tomorrow, I'll be trying to get as far away from Stroud as possible with only £10 and my wits...so yeah, £10! I will be the donning the pink morph suit with my friends and striving to leave the bleak South West far behind, even if it is only for 36 hours. 

Not only has The Pink Escape provided me with a little bit of a break, it's given me something to really look forward to and I've felt that I'm doing something that my cancer has no bearing over. Although, saying that, my Doctors have repeatedly asked me the finer details of the trip and I am taking a stash of various drugs (customs will be interesting), just in case things do go awry.

So I'm off to pack and if you see anyone clad in bright pink by the side of the road tomorrow, yeah, I'd just drive by to be honest...but give them a wave anyway!

http://www.justgiving.com/thepinkescape

Getting Plastered

I've had a fair amount of treatment this afternoon so apologies for the brevity of this post as shortly I'll be heading for bed!

Something that I've really enjoyed doing, since being diagnosed, is public speaking about the experience of cancer from my perspective. I've always felt confident about talking in front of any audience and my last year and a half of treatment as helped me put that passion of mine, to some use. I have given talks on behalf of Teenage Cancer Trust and various local blood donation charities and after appreciating the fact that people would be interested in my views, I've really thrown myself into as many opportunities as possible.

My Head of Sixth Form called me into his office today and being a typical 18 year old, I panicked! In actual fact, he was asking me to talk to some of the older students in an assembly, about why donating blood is so important. Safe to say, I was pretty relieved! I am also hoping to talk to some younger cancer sufferers who are reaching the end of their treatment, it came as a real boost to be seen as someone who is on maintenance and suitable to discuss my experience, as I'm no longer on intensive chemotherapy.

Finally, I'm just throwing this out there, but does anyone think that it's a little weird that I get to choose the plasters on behalf of the hospital and sadly, enjoy it very much even though I'm 18 years old?? I've got a great doctor who is a dab hand with the needles and is always happy to spend time selecting dinosaur plasters with me! It keeps me entertained.

26-24

After the awful news last week, I am pleased to say that my Aunt's condition has improved a considerable amount and she is now talking and is out of intensive care, on the road to recovery. What a huge difference a week can make. With everything that's happened recently, I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed emotionally. I certainly won't be watching any heart wrenching films anytime soon, although in all honesty, they are nothing compared to witnessing England fall short in Paris at the weekend!

I have the prospect of a double dose of chemotherapy next week looming over me, so I have immersed myself in taking an active part in aspects of Sixth Form life and getting as much work as I possibly can, done. I know that next week won't exactly be the easiest or the most fun, but I'm definitely looking forward to it being over and having half term to enjoy!

I asked my Mum earlier tonight if she thought I had changed much in the last year and a half and she said yes, but not entirely as she had expected. I would like to think that I have a more balanced outlook on life, in that I try not to worry about the smaller and less significant problems, but I can't argue with the fact that this has made me more self absorbed. I find that I struggle to empathise with my friends and their issues in the same way that I once felt I was able to. Often, I feel alienated by the differences in everyday dilemmas of the people I socialise with, as well as my own ones at home. What makes the situation stranger for me still, is the fact that I know that if I was in any of their positions, I would be exactly the same and none the wiser about some of the difficulties that people of my age face. I realise that I am coming across very self righteous which isn't what I'm trying to convey at all. My friends are incredible people and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am today without them, but what I'm trying to say, is that sometimes it can be quite lonely when everyone else has gone home and the dramas of school life dissipate into my personal reality.

Not Even A Second

This weekend, once again, helped put life into perspective for me. It's difficult to know how to start writing this entry but I guess I'll just write what comes into my head. On Saturday, my Aunt suffered a horrendous accident where she fell from the roof of a five storey building. She was immediately rushed to hospital and then transferred to the specialist intensive liver treatment unit in Kings Hospital, London. At the moment her condition is still life threatening but there have been signs of improvement. 

What we have been told is that it's a miracle that she is alive. 

However, what else can I do but wonder what sort of miracle this is? I find it very hard to accept that I should be thankful for any part of this appalling accident. It makes no sense to me, any more than me being diagnosed with Leukaemia. Maybe this is just the way life is. At times it can make you feel powerless and fill you with a sense of injustice but it also teaches us to appreciate every single second of your life. Let me make it absolutely clear though, that thinking in this way doesn't make accidents or tragedies any easier at all. I can honestly say first hand, that this perspective on life doesn't make a single second of the unfairness, any easier to deal with at all. 

All I can do now is hope that my Aunt pulls through. She's an incredibly strong person and all her family love her very very much.

Back On Track

After the initial set back of this year with my increase in chemotherapy, I am more than relieved to say that the higher dosage is having the desired effects on my blood. I can happily say that the counts are steadily dropping, which is a real positive. However, this is sort of a double edged sword as while it shows that the treatment is definitely working well, it has some not so fun consequences on the rest of my body. Over the last couple of weeks I've found that I'm more prone to unexpected fatigue and sudden aching in my legs, as well as severe lapses in concentration. It's only in the last few days that I've started to feel quite nauseated.

This has all been quite strange for me because, during the run up to Christmas, I had felt very few ill effects of my treatment and now I'm experiencing some of "the classics"! However, the most serious ramification is that my immune system is now completely shot. I just have to be really careful not to get any kind of cold or infection as my body won't be able to do very much to defend itself. This state of non-existent immunity is called neutropenia which is caused by a massive reduction in my neutrophils but it's something that I haven't had to experience since the very start of my treatment . In all honesty, being neutropenic is no where near as dramatic as I expect I am portraying it to be and isn't not a huge deal at all. If my body adhered to "normal" treatment procedure then I'd be neutropenic far more often than I have been so far. As it is though, I'll take the next week or so especially carefully and with any luck my immune system will have recovered and I'll be feeling somewhat better!

Another Year - Still Ill

A lot seems to have happened since I last wrote on here. Hopefully everyone has had a peaceful Christmas and of course best wishes for the New Year. I was exceptionally lucky this year with the dates of my treatment, in that for the entire Christmas period I was out of hospital! This was a huge contrast to last year where it felt like I was in and out of Gloucester pretty much every other day. I also turned 18 last Thursday which felt pretty momentous and I celebrated a really lovely day with my friends and family.

I've attempted to come into this year with renewed vigor. After many of my friends have now been given offers to University's of their choice, I'm more determined than ever to succeed at school. Instead of letting their unhindered academic progress get me down, it's made me more excited about my future and I'm now pushing myself that little bit harder.

Now, after that little pep talk I do need to still aim to be realistic. My chemotherapy has gone up another notch again which has brought about another influx of tablets. Suddenly, the prospect of a New Year which started so positively and full of hope has taken a little bit of a knock. However, I am going to keep my spirits up and be the best that I can be in everything I do.

A quick positive to finish on however! My friends and I from Sixth Form are partaking in something called The Pink Escape to raise money for Breast Cancer Care. We will attempt to get as far away from Stroud as possible in 36 hours in teams of 3 with only £10 per person! This is such a worthwhile cause as breast cancer affects so many people and this charity endeavors to support anyone who needs it's help. If anyone would like to donate then please do not hesitate to visit our website and give whatever you can at: http://www.justgiving.com/thepinkescape